allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize