Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
