I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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