Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
