I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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