why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
