Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
