these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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