I wish I only lived at night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
