90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
