I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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