4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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