He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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