Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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