atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
