it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
