I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
