i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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