Apparently you make a good broom.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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