I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
