I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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