I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
