It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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