Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
how drunk are you?
Several
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
