I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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