Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
