What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
