hotel room ftw
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize