If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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