I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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