so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
