yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
