So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
