nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
