I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
