Got a toothbrush?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
