Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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