dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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