i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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