I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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