Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
