Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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