that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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