She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
