I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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