Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
