Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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