Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
