My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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