she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
