God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
