God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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