I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize