I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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