we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
