just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
