um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
