A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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