Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You are a genius and a whore.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
