Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
