i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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