I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
