It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
