He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
