i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
